A Sunday Message

Every so often.....a girl comes around that changes everything you believe in, makes you want to be a better person just for her and I am happy to say...that bitch still evades me. Instead, it has been a string of hook-ups, break-ins and break-ups that has led me to this conclusion.

You don't want me for me, you just want THE DICK.

That's right, THE DICK. Now, your probably saying to yourself: "Self, I already knew girls were running shit so what new light can you, Ricochet, shed on this topic?"

Nothing. The situation is what it is. But I would like to take this time out and dedicate this entry to my sistahs, hermanas and sisters (that's for the white girls) who are in control of their vaginas both mentally and physically. And seeing as it is Sunday, I think it would be especially nice to bless these women Beatitudes style.

And Ricochet hopped up on his soap box and asked "who among you still makes soap boxes?"And then he spoke these things, saying: 

Blessed are the poor in the dick: for theirs is the Ben and Jerry's and a vibrator.

Blessed are they that mourn over the dick: for they shall be comforted by bi-curiosity.

Blessed are the meek in the dick: for they be destined to inherit a good man, but will end up marrying down.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after the dick: for they shall be filled with STD's and multiple Maury Show appearances.

Blessed are the merciful over the dick: for they shall always be the fuck friend.

Blessed are the pure in the dick: for they have lied.

Blessed are the peacemakers over the dick: for they shall always be the DUFF to keep you away from making a great decision.

Blessed are they which are persecuted for the dick's sake: for hating bitches are going to hate.

And Blessed be Uncle Ben, the real black Jesus.

I Got The Hook Up Unnnnnhhhh!!!!!

Dope fiends!

Whatup with ya? So recently, I went out to lunch with the homies (yes, the homies do lunch, in fact, they do the hell out of it) And it just so happens that this Italian fellow by the name of Aldo works at this restaurant. Now that actually becomes important to the story because Aldo lives in my building, so I see him all the time. A!!!!

Aldo proceeds to lay out everything for us. Drinks are pouring and specialty Italian brick-oven pizzas are coming out (as appetizers!), then came the main course AND IT WAS INSANE. Basically, we are having the lunch of the century. I mean, we were in there getting FUCKED UP, laughing making ignorant-ass toasts, singing, alla that. So a couple hours pass, Aldo comes out asking us do we want some dessert and we realize that we may have overstepped our boundaries here and actually will be paying out the ass for all this food and drinks (i mean we got 3 bottles of wine - def wilin' out). Aldo comes out again with the tab, asking us did we have a good time and good food, the yes' were resounding. The check comes out and says $41...

This used to be my shit!

WHAT

THE

FUCK!!!

Ok, so maybe we were a little drunk but its four of us at the table and the tab comes out to a forty one dollar total? SHHEEEEEE-IT. We left Aldo like a 35 dollar tip. (You aint know the homies was ballin like that? Sike.) It was the least we could do, I mean we thought we were at least droppin a twenty per person. So, had to show some love back to Aldo.

But that is crazy. I mean when I worked at McDonald's I used to hook my friends up all the time... but I was eventually fired for it. And I've been back a few more times after and the hook up is still going hard. So, am I wrong for taking advantage? I mean Aldo be coming off with the mean ass tip, but I don't want to see him lose his gig. But I do like having an expensive meal in a nice restaurant and not paying like it too. What do you guys think. I come through there about once a month or so. Am I wilin'? Should I fall back? If you say yes, I have to let you know that I'm still gonna be going. What? Fuck yall! I'm definitely gonna get it while the getting is good. But still if you think i'm being a dick (which isn't hard to imagine) tell me why or why not.

Well that's all I got for now Dope Fiends, until next time, picture me rolling.

Oh and one last thing Al, Ric: FUCK YOU!