When Crazy Goes Right...Then Left

Follow me on a journey of love…or something kinda similar to the idea of love.

In a world long ago in a galaxy close, close by…

I had a girlfriend. She was crazy. I mean, certifiable. The type of chick that threatened to cut my penis off if she even smelt another females scent on me…then showed me the knife she would do it with. But, I loved this girl. Something about the crazy ones makes for a great time. It also makes for a passionate time which then makes for a fiery blast of a time that eventually ends in a nuclear reaction of break ups. And so it came to pass that my relationship ended in a blaze of fire and glory and confusion similar to the Rodney King riots.

But alas, if there is one thing I really miss about this girl it is…the sex. And so I thought about getting back with my crazy ass ex simply for the sex.

If you ain’t never had sex with someone you were seconds away from killing, you are missing out. Sex so good make you want to wear church shoes with jeans. Sex so good you travel across the country. That kind of sex.

But with her, words could not describe the passion between us. It was like two stars fighting for control of the galaxy and each eventually gives way to the other creating something more beautiful than either one could have imagined. With her, it wasn’t sex it was love and we didn’t make it…we became it.

We would lose ourselves in each other’s caress. Lose words to heavy breathing, lose thought to feeling. Lose control to chaos and let lust reign over us.

And even though after that night, I had to call the cops on her to get her out of my house, it was the best sex I ever had. 

And now that I am single I’m thinking…maybe we should give it another try?

Maybe we should’ve never broken up?

Maybe we should’ve seen the Avengers together?

Maybe we should ride a tandem bicycle to the beach for ice cream?

Maybe this is all we need to rediscover our love?

Or maybe I’m crazy?

Possibly.

Do You Wear Your Sunglasses At Night?

This weekend, as I prepared to go out I checked my bank account.

So as I prepared to stay in, I started thinking about why people wear their sunglasses at night. I usually do this because I'm high off my ass and my eyes are red like the devil.  Of course, when I asked myself this question, I was on a unholy high and I could barely keep the thought in my head before I started singing these lyrics.

"I wear my sunglasses at night...so I can hmm hmmm hm hm hmmmm."

And that was exactly what I said. Because like you reader, I don't know the next lyric in the damn song. No one does. In fact, I bet you don't even know who sings the damn thing. But today all of that changes.

The man behind this hit record was a man named Corey Hart. I don't know much about the man and so everything written about him is based off of the video to this hit single and my Bill and Ted's excellent imagination.

According to the video, Corey Hart grew up with a slight rhythmic twitch in some kind of time in which the only way to avoid government brutality was to......

Wear one's sunglasses in the evening hours in which the sun was not shining.

The song goes onto further say that he is wearing his sunglasses to protect himself from a cheating woman, and not only will she cheat on him, but she will cut him too.

"Don't switch the blade on the guy in the shades, oh no."
What kind of woman will cheat on you AND THEN cut you. I'll tell you who, a woman in the 80's.

Don't believe me...listen to the song. I was confused as hell too. I still am confused.

WTF were they smoking in the 80's?

Crack. They smoked crack.

Either way, Corey Hart was found dead before his second single "I Wear My Pajamas to Work".

What I learned from this video and the life and times of Corey Hart is this...he wears his sunglasses at night so he can keep his visions in his head (that's the next lyric in the song people).


So as you venture out this Halloween ask yourself this,

Is your wearing of your sunglasses at night simultaneously supporting the Nazi like regime that ended the life of Corey Hart?

Yes, yes you are.

Cocaine is a hell of drug.
RIP Rick James.

Comin' STRAIGHT OUTTA LOCASH!

Ever since I decided to move to Los Angeles, California,

I've been hit with the most repetitive questions since the "what are you going to do with your life?" series my senior year of college.

 "Do you have a place to live?" "Are you going to like the weather out there?" "Is weed really as legal as they it is?" And my answer to all is: only slightly...only slightly.

But I digress as usual, the point is, I am well aware that California is different than the Emipire State but is it really as different as people say it is? I'm not quite sure so if you please, I will delve into this HOT topic, only slightly, to better communicate similarities and differences between the East and West through my eyes.

If I lost some of you with the complex sentence, here it is in Laymans terms: I'ma break down the real East and West Coast...YAY-E-YEA-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!(S/O 2 Ice Cube)

BIGGEST Similarities:

METROPOLIS:
Maybe some of you forgot this but Los Angeles is actually a huge city like NY. Just because it's sunny all the time doesn't mean people are always at the beach. A city is a city is a city. And once you get passed all the lights, camera and the flaming homosexual action in West Hollywood (which is pretty much the Village with a 'Walk of Fame') you see that if you can live in NY, you can run any town.

POLICE
I haven't had a run in with the LAPD yet but I look forward to it. Firstly, because I don't do anything wrong that's considered wrong in California. Secondly, I want to see who is tougher. The NYPD and LAPD are the two most nigga hating, nigga aressting, nigga beating' cop forces on Earth. The Kenyan Police Department don't beat as many niggas as these two do. The point is, cops hate all niggas in big cities, and I doubt this will be much different.

The Gays (yes, I said the Gays, with a capital G)
There are only 2 places on Earth that Gay people are uncomfortable; in the south and in Church. Likewise, there are two places where Gay people can frolic (because Gay people frolic) and be free. These two places are LA and NY. I don't mind the Gays and their little Gay boots walking their little Gay dogs, they have a right to do every little gay thing they want. LA and NY just give them a larger license to do so because there are so many other weirdos that live in these places. One thing is for sure though, Gay people run these towns...or at least their little gay sections of it.

DIFFERENCES

PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION
Not every city is created equal and neither are their transportation systems. Advantage to NY on this one. Although LA public transpo is cheaper and greener (all the busses are hybrids or making there way to be hybrids) NY runs all the time and from every location. Busses and subways are not the way to travel in LA unless you must (like I must seeing as I don't have a car). Either way, this is a huge downfall for LA.

Your Local Hispanics
NY is home to more Puerto Ricans than Puerto Rico. NY also includes a bunch of everybody else like Dominicans, Peruvians, Mexicans and everything else south of the border. Looking for Puerto Ricans in LA is like looking for rain in LA...everyone talks about it, but the majority of the people miss it, all the time. In fact, outside of whites and blacks, LA only has Mexicans and Asians. I know Asians aren't Hispanics but they own everything in LA like the Domincans do in NY.

The Weather
Ok, so I know this is obvious so I'll keep it short. But what is a NY nigga used to Timbs and snorkels come November going to do when it's 76 degrees outside on Christmas?

So how is a NY nigga gonna survive in LA you ask yourself, because we are built differently. Plus, I work 2 blocks away from the beach. I think I'll manage.