Do You Wear Your Sunglasses At Night?

This weekend, as I prepared to go out I checked my bank account.

So as I prepared to stay in, I started thinking about why people wear their sunglasses at night. I usually do this because I'm high off my ass and my eyes are red like the devil.  Of course, when I asked myself this question, I was on a unholy high and I could barely keep the thought in my head before I started singing these lyrics.

"I wear my sunglasses at night...so I can hmm hmmm hm hm hmmmm."

And that was exactly what I said. Because like you reader, I don't know the next lyric in the damn song. No one does. In fact, I bet you don't even know who sings the damn thing. But today all of that changes.

The man behind this hit record was a man named Corey Hart. I don't know much about the man and so everything written about him is based off of the video to this hit single and my Bill and Ted's excellent imagination.

According to the video, Corey Hart grew up with a slight rhythmic twitch in some kind of time in which the only way to avoid government brutality was to......

Wear one's sunglasses in the evening hours in which the sun was not shining.

The song goes onto further say that he is wearing his sunglasses to protect himself from a cheating woman, and not only will she cheat on him, but she will cut him too.

"Don't switch the blade on the guy in the shades, oh no."
What kind of woman will cheat on you AND THEN cut you. I'll tell you who, a woman in the 80's.

Don't believe me...listen to the song. I was confused as hell too. I still am confused.

WTF were they smoking in the 80's?

Crack. They smoked crack.

Either way, Corey Hart was found dead before his second single "I Wear My Pajamas to Work".

What I learned from this video and the life and times of Corey Hart is this...he wears his sunglasses at night so he can keep his visions in his head (that's the next lyric in the song people).


So as you venture out this Halloween ask yourself this,

Is your wearing of your sunglasses at night simultaneously supporting the Nazi like regime that ended the life of Corey Hart?

Yes, yes you are.

Cocaine is a hell of drug.
RIP Rick James.

Q and Nay

I’ve been told I like to question the world around me. I responded 

“what the fuck makes you think that?” 

Not my most eloquent moment but then it made me wonder “Do I really question the world around me that much?”…

which in itself was a question…

But before I facilitate falling into further diversions, let me just say this...

Yes.

I do like to question the world around me.

And not clever simple questions like, 

“Why do we drive on parkways and park in driveways?” 

Or  

“Why do we loves the ones that hurt us and hurt the ones that love us” 

Because well, those questions are stupid. 

And especially the second one. Because only hurt ass people ask stupid questions like that. Even if it is rhetorical, it is rhetorically stupid.

(And I know that didn't make any sense, I bet you'll keep reading though.)

Anyway, I like to ask myself the more pressing questions in life like…

What happened to the first horse they led to water? How long did it take before they figured out that they couldn't make it drink?

You gotta know it didn’t work out to well for that horse. Poor guy.

I like to imagine it went something like...

He already had a drink at the last stop and just wasn't bleeding thirst like his horsey brethren. They got to the meadowy brook and the other horses ran to get their drink on… But that last horse… Well, he was chilling. So, the rancher decides to lead him to the water… And horse is still not about that drinking water lifestyle. So the rancher furiously attempts shoving it's head in. Well, horse did not take too kindly to said shoves and not-so-politely kicks the fuck out of mister ranger. I'm guessing that's when the ranger learned his lesson.

I'm also guessing that's when the ranger loaded his rifle and shot horsey in the head. Which totally sucks for that horse. But I’d like to think that he’s out to stud in that big horse ranch in the sky.

Then I think about stuff like...

What sucks more, BlackBerry or T-Mobile?

If you’ve have both, you don’t have to ask your self this question, the answer is yes. But for everyone else, I’ve tussled back and forth with this for years (read: week) and I can’t really come up with an answer. You have T-Mobile who, since losing Catherine Zeta Jones and picking up a very weak, less attractive and younger look alike, is making me contemplate a daily phone company switch.

Meanwhile, BlackBerry’s are like... Well you know what they're like. (Read: Shitty, although BBM is the truth, I cannot lie.)

Or how about this…

What weekend day is better, Friday, Saturday… Sunday… ?

Another question that life has put before me. I don’t really have an answer. I like Friday nights, it never feels wasted if I stay in like on Saturday nights. But Saturdays, you’re more likely to go out and party because you were at your leisure all day. And then you have Sundays…and if you’re like me and not going to church, well then you have FOOTBALL... ANNNND you can have BRUNCH (BRUHZ Lunch)!!!

And if you aint never had brunch before, I got 2 words for ya….

Or the most pressing life question of them all….

Who thinks of this kind of shit?

Well, that all depends... I mean, you just spent an entire blog post doing it.

A Few Words on Small Talk or Why I Wear Headphones All The Time

I. DON'T. LIKE. SMALL. TALK.


No, seriously. You, person who works in the office with me, did you notice these headphones smothering both sides of my face? Oh you did? Then why the fuck are you trying to converse with me you A-hole?

I. Am not. Interested.

Nigga what? No.

No, seriously. You, crazy guy/gal on the Greyhound/US Airways/Amtrak sitting next to me, it doesn't matter what I'm listening to. I'll tell you what I'm not listening to ANYTHING YOU SAY. Keep your questions over there in 16F.

And, seriously. You old lady next to me in the ridiculously long line at the grocery store. Of course I want to hear what grocery stores were like 60 years ago. I find your old-timey tales of youth and simplicity COMPLETELY ADORABLE!

She simply LOVES candy.

Ok... That last one aside, I still am not getting what makes the rest of you jerks think you can practice your small talk on me. Wrong.

You know what you need to engage in small talk with me? Talent, skill, and charisma. You know what you have? Bad breath and a bad story. So I'm sorry, guy standing in front of me at the post office, "Crazy weather we're having this week." is not cutting it. Didn't you see me over here pretending to listen to loud music? Excuse me while I turn to the left and act like I'm reading these posters on the wall...

What's this? Next month there will be Scooby Doo AND Transformers stamps on sale?

Fascinating.

My letter to the "King of Cool"

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