We Shall Overcome? Someday?

Today I had one of those moments in life that makes you go, IRONY.

Thank you Alanis Morissette for forever associating yourself with the word ironic.
At least with me.

It was also one of those moments that led me to discuss my thoughts in blog entry.

As I wandered through the hallways of the middle school, I overheard 2 young boys having a conversation, the likes of which had no business in a school building. At least not during school hours. And as I approached the conversation I heard,

"Man, these niggas don't even know my nigga.
"Fo' sho, man, niggas be sleeping on Tyga."

Two things were happening here.

First, "niggas be sleeping on Tyga"!. This makes me hate the youth, the media aimed at youth and most of all the parents of the youth for even letting this statement be thought of and then subsequently put forth into the universe. 

Secondly, these students were using inflammatory language outright in the hallway. But being the young, hot shot counselor that I am, I was ready to just send the boys on their way back to class with a quick 

"Watch your language young men, you are in school and you know better than that. And don't do drugs."

But as luck would have it, fate intervened and in stepped Old Black Lady Security Guard. Now Old Black Lady Security Guard had been here at the school for a while and maybe had previous interactions with these students which may in turn have influenced how she responded.

I must admit, I blacked out for most of her I Have a Dream Speech but I did hear some things like,

"people died being called that word..." 

and 

"do you know that word is meant to demean people that look like us..." 

and then something about Martin Luther the King Jr. 

The way those kids walked away from that, it was is if they felt they had been the ones who filled the pool Rodney King drowned in.

Not giving a fuck.

I did feel bad for Old Black Lady Security Guard. She probably possessed so much wisdom, so much strength and all she wanted to do was impart on these young men the psychological damage they were inflicting on themselves. 

It really is a sad day when kids don't respect what their elders have to say.

And as they went their way and  I prepared to go mine, Old Black Lady Security Guard pulled me aside. I figured, 

"Here's my chance to receive some good old fashioned sassy black wisdom from Old Black Lady Security Guard."

But I was wrong because this is what she said.

"These little niggas don't have any respect. Probably end up in jail wit the rest of them other niggas."

NIGGA WHAT?

All I could think was

"Did this nigga just yell at them little niggas for saying nigga in the hallway. This nigga can't be serious right now."

All of the wisdom Old Black Lady Security Guard once had was now reduced to some old nigga talking shit.

But I did not correct Old Black Lady Security Guard. Unlike those little niggas, I understand my place. And so I took those words of wisdom, offered a tired sigh and a smile and proceeded back to my office.

And as I strolled away humming the tune of any DMX song, all I could do was shake my head and say,

...Niggas.

Plight of the Nice Guy

We've heard it all before.

"Nice guys finish last and alone and sad and pass these traits along to their offspring."

You may have heard it differently but you get the point Nice guys usually get the raw end of the deal. But today, just for you nice guys out there, I've enlisted the help of my good friend @FollowBMarie (which you should totally do after you finishing reading this), rather, she enlisted me to spread the WORD of the nice guy.

So if you fancy yourself a nice guy or if you know someone who does, this can and will be good for you, or their simpin' asses. 

Theory of the Nice Guy (as told by @FollowBMarie)

Reason 1-Maybe it's not because you're nice. Could it be that you have some other character flaws? Maybe you're not funny. Girls love funny men. Maybe it's because you're not fun? Although staying home & cooking every night is nice, it does get old quick. Just like men need spice in their life women like spice in their relationships. The man who continuously blames his lack of lady luck on being nice is not very different from the gal who chants "niggas ain't shit" Be reflective. It's possible something else is at work here.

This reason is great. Nice is bland. Bland is boring.

Reason 2-Nice guy by day, scumbag by night? You, sir, have more in common with the bad boy than you would like to admit. You believe that you are a nice guy. And hey, there are some nice aspects. But let's face it, most people would not associate you with nice. But this doesn't make you a bad person, maybe not even a bad boy. Just a Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde type.

Also superb reasoning. Nothing is worse than a fair-weather personality. 

Reason 3-You're too nice. Ok. This is the cliche one. But it's sort of true. GIRLS WANT TO FEEL SPECIAL! But sometimes it gets confusing. If you're taking every Jane, Jen & Mary out and making them all feel like a queen for the day. Guess what, it looks like game. Furthermore no one feels special. We want to be the only one you go above and beyond for, but if you go above and beyond for everyone, I'm sorry to say this, but you may end up behind. Now I'm not saying start slamming doors and only open it for your lady. But if you go above & beyond for everyone, well go to infinity and beyond for your main squeeze.

The whole "everybody wins" argument retooled. If everyone is special, then no one is special. But the Toy Story reference is priceless.

Reason 4-Define nice. Sir, you aren't it. Not even close. I mean yes, on paper you're the shit. But how can I put this? You're an ass. You're rude. You're full of yourself. And let me guess what you want to talk about--yourself, right? Be as aggressive as you want in the conference room, boardroom, classroom, or courtroom, but if you want a lady you better soften those edges.

For me, this is the crux of the reasoning. What does nice actually mean? I'll get to this later.

Reason 5-It's not about the battle, it's the war. So you opened every door, paid for every dinner, took her on vacation, went down to her father's to ask for her hand in marriage, only to be left at the altar. I get it. It hurts, but if you were the best man that you could be, then listen. She either was not the one or doesn't deserve you. There is some nice girl out there who will cater to you just as much as you spoil her. Realize that in the first lap you may be losing, maybe even in the second & third. But it ain't over til it's over. So stay true to your nice guy ways you might just cross that finish line first, nice guy.

I'm going to let this reason slide because I love @FollowBMarie and I understand as a female, it is in her nature to give hope. You nice guys should appreciate this.

Now, my source of contention can be outlined in Reason #4. What is a nice guy? It is my belief that woman don't want a nice guy, and here's why.

Do you ever remember being told "play nice"? Of course you do. Do you remember what it meant? Probably not. Playing nice didn't mean "treat all competitors with respect, don't cheat and be a good sport". Play nice meant don't do anything that is going to mess up this game. Don't hurt people's feelings. Don't say mean things. Make sure everyone is having fun.

While it may be easy to take this "nice" attitude into arenas in which the rules and guidelines dictate our behavior we must take into account that we are talking about relationships. And there are no rules in love. Nice is vanilla. Nice is what you do when you don't know someone, a default setting. And so the nice guy who you would love on your company kickball team may not make the best choice for a mate. 

Unless what you want is a push-over because the last guy walked over you and you would like to taste that feeling for a little while, which is cool. Every girl deserves one simping ass nigga in her life to step on. 

Except ugly girls, they just deserve to breathe and hold onto the off chance of pro-creation.

I feel what women are looking for is a good man and the inability to articulate this is the reason why the good man can't be found. The good man knows all about respect and honesty. But he also knows about winning and putting personal feelings aside to accomplish the larger goal. He doesn't worry about rocking the boat because he learned how to steer in troubled waters long ago. Even Jesus got angry.

Nice guy's don't finish last because they are trying to win. Nice guys finish last because winning was never the goal. The goal was to make sure the race was run fairly, that everybody had a shot, that the rules were followed. And while undoubtedly admiral, being selfless and concerned with the wellness of others will ensure that others will always finish the race before you.

And thanks to that guy, I get the girl. Every time. Half the time.

More Fired

So this morning, on my way to the gym, I heard a rumor. It was about Carmelo Anthony and how he was ready to leave my beloved New York Knicks. What? Well, like I said, it was a rumor... Which destroyed me. All destruction aside though, it did get me to thinking.

You see, in this rumor, it seems Carmelo Anthony is not particularly a big fan of his coach (he also might not particularly like the way that right after he got off the injured reserve list, the Knicks were in STRUGGLE MODE and how that just might have been all his fault).

Anyway, that got me to thinking about my job (yours too), and how many of his suffer under incompetent bosses/leaders/managers/directors/supervisors. Now in professional sports, when someone is in charge of talent and they don't properly take advantage of it, they are swiflty escorted to the unemployment line. As far as my worldly travels have taken me, I have yet to see things operate that way in any of my lines of employment.

Work ecosystems are incredibly fragile. So, you better hope your boss is not fucking up, because if they are... YOU. ARE. FIRED. Yep, totally fired... and for a few reasons really, none of them better than the other. All of which will have your ass cruising Linkedin.com.

                                

Let's run through a few of them.

The Underwear Fire - I know it's got a funny name, but trust me, it's one of the most egregious. This one happens when you get fired so that someone else can cover their ass.

The Ahhyaw Fire - isn't as popular as the underwear fire but living in the here and now u do run into these from time to time. This one happens when your company loses it's contract, goes bankrupt, or just straight goes outta business, and when then that happens ahhhhyaw getting fired.

The Vacation Fire - is kinda funny until it happens to you. This one happens when you get fired on your day off. I don't know how it happened, but when it does - you'll very shortly find yourself hanging out with your childhood friend Smoky cuz it's Friday.. and you aint got shit else to do.

Ok, there's a dude sitting next to me... Gotta be about 26-27 years old... And he is straight up sucking his thumb! And rubbing his ear.. I'm trying not to stare but this is just fucking strange... I mean, this is a grown ass man in baby mode over here. I feel like I'm getting pranked, this can't be real life... And why is he looking at me? Anyways.. What was I saying? Oh yea...

The "But I Thought You Liked Me" Fire - yup. In the workplace, you better make good and damn sure somebody likes you before you start flirting. Cuz all it takes is one unwanted lingering shoulder rub or titty graze (the thing you ladies do where you pretend like we don't know you're rubbing your tits all over somebody's arm when you're showing them something - yall aint slick) and your ass will be on the streets faster than Aladdin and Abu.

                                                   R.I.P. Bob's Career

Also, stop walking around the office with your got damn shoes off. I don't know if that's a fireable offense but it should be. Aint NOBODY trying to see those corn muffin toes of yours.

Ok, I'm done ranting for now. I wish y'all success in all your professional endeavors. Thanks for reading the dopest blog...

-Excelsior!

When Crazy Goes Right...Then Left

Follow me on a journey of love…or something kinda similar to the idea of love.

In a world long ago in a galaxy close, close by…

I had a girlfriend. She was crazy. I mean, certifiable. The type of chick that threatened to cut my penis off if she even smelt another females scent on me…then showed me the knife she would do it with. But, I loved this girl. Something about the crazy ones makes for a great time. It also makes for a passionate time which then makes for a fiery blast of a time that eventually ends in a nuclear reaction of break ups. And so it came to pass that my relationship ended in a blaze of fire and glory and confusion similar to the Rodney King riots.

But alas, if there is one thing I really miss about this girl it is…the sex. And so I thought about getting back with my crazy ass ex simply for the sex.

If you ain’t never had sex with someone you were seconds away from killing, you are missing out. Sex so good make you want to wear church shoes with jeans. Sex so good you travel across the country. That kind of sex.

But with her, words could not describe the passion between us. It was like two stars fighting for control of the galaxy and each eventually gives way to the other creating something more beautiful than either one could have imagined. With her, it wasn’t sex it was love and we didn’t make it…we became it.

We would lose ourselves in each other’s caress. Lose words to heavy breathing, lose thought to feeling. Lose control to chaos and let lust reign over us.

And even though after that night, I had to call the cops on her to get her out of my house, it was the best sex I ever had. 

And now that I am single I’m thinking…maybe we should give it another try?

Maybe we should’ve never broken up?

Maybe we should’ve seen the Avengers together?

Maybe we should ride a tandem bicycle to the beach for ice cream?

Maybe this is all we need to rediscover our love?

Or maybe I’m crazy?

Possibly.