Fighting the Temptations?

So, this morning I woke up to this in my Blackberry messenger, "They beat up Trey Songz in the club last night! Who attacks Trey Songz? Jeez" And, my first thought was, "Daaaaaamn I bet Trey got his ass WHIPPED!!!"

After I laughed at the idea of Trey Songz featuring on the latest Backyard Knockouts video, and believe me – I laughed a lot, I wondered, not why someone would want to fight Trey Songz (or any famous person for that matter), but why that thought would even happen in the first place.

At what point in a person's life does someone put down their bowl of Lucky Charms and say, "Oh yeah, Al Roker? Ok mother fucker! I'll show YOU what's going on in my neck of the woods. I'm about to show the shit out of it."

"What you say bitch?"

You know?

I can see maybe Tracy in accounting (why does everyone hate accounting people so much), but Trey Songz? Nobody even knows that mother fucker enough to want to fight him in the first place.

So, that's when I tried to think of some people who I don’t know - that I wanted to fight. And honestly, as I sit there pecking at my keyboard, I couldn’t think of anyone. I mean, I do remember back in the 90’s having a slight amount of anger for Patrick Ewing when he missed that layup in the NBA Finals (instead of taking the easy dunk to win the championship - #woosah).

Still though, even if by some chance I did get close enough to snuff that man, I think by then punching him in the face would have been the last thing on my mind.

I would have been all like, “Sooo... Big Pat, you mind if I call you Pat? Anyway, I only have one question for you man... umm, Sir?”

(AHEM)

“Where the HOES at?”

Patrick Ewing - circa 1995

I kid, I kid.

There’s no way in hell I’m calling that big Jamaican bastard Pat.

Still, the more I thought about it, the easier and easier I could see myself getting into a fight with any one of these famous jerks. 

AND drinks are flowing too? Shit, leave me in a room long enough with Barack Obama and some Henny and I just might be giving his ass a Hawaiian punch for real.

And I can only imagine how much worse it could get standing right next to a Trey Songz. 

*INSERT INSECURE DRUNK INNER MONOLOGUE*

"He thinks cuz he sold a million records he's better than me? Me? I bet he aint better than a punch in the mouth though. Sheeit... R&B aint been the same since BEFORE R.Kelly made that gospel cd anyway. I wish a mother fucker would be a Trey Songz around me right now."

And when it all comes down to it, perhaps there is a lesson to be learned from all this.

Fame is not a super power. It's not going to stop someone from falling to their death or even help them pick up heavy things. Actually, and as a matter of fact, being famous is probably the last thing you want to be in a fight. The only thing it can definitely do is increase the amount of people who know you got your ass whipped in the canned food aisle.

(And trust me, getting stomped out next to chef Boyardee does not make the ladies swoon)

So then, there it is I guess. The whole time I was over there questioning what the random fighting dude was doing, I really should have been questioning the "celebrity". 

Seriously, celebrity person, what in the invisible fuck do you have to gain from fighting someone? I mean, you more than likely have security dripping from your lapels, ready to defend you at any moment. And, let's not forget by the way, PEOPLE WANT TO SEE YOU GET BEAT UP. 

Like they really, really, reallyreallyreally do.Sheeit... I've stuck around for club let-outs sometimes just to watch strangers get punched out.

I mean, Jay-Z, Jake Gillenhall, Shia Labeouf? I'd pay to see somebody punch those dudes in the face a couple FEW times... 

I'd pay per view that shit.

So, basically this whole post boils down to these two specific facts:

1. Trey Songz best not ever find himself within my roundhouse distance 


And 


2. President Obama needs to continue to count his blessings that he never found himself around me after a couple drinks, because I would whip his entire skinny ass... 


Presidentially.