The Duality of Hip Hop Wisdom

So, there you stand, beautiful human being that you are, living in a world where you are constantly showered by the affections of a certain lady. Let's call her lady A.

Lady A is phenomenal, she's cooler than anyone you've ever known, gets all your jokes, and fucks you like a sexy demon. Now, while she's doing all this, somehow -- you begin to gain the affections of another lady. We'll call her Lady J.

Lady J is alright, she doesn't get all your jokes, but she does make them. And the ones she does make aren't that bad. You've actually never met a woman with an engaging sense of humor before (not one that you actually appreciated anyway) so you find each witty response from her somehow more entertaining than the last. And just like that you've suddenly become surrounded by two fascinating women, and both of them want YOU. Why? Well that's easy, I told you at the beginning of the story, you're a beautiful human being. 

Well, Lady J is starting to get particularly aggressive these days, and honestly it's really not that hard to see  why. Clearly she wants... 


THE DICK. 


Which is, of course, awesome. But that's when you start to wonder what... 


"Wait a second.

Hey! what happened to Lady A?" 


Oh... You mean Lady A who leaves loving voicemails singing "your" song. Lady A, whose head fits perfectly within your lover's embrace? Lady A who threw you the most perfect surprise birthday party ever, even though you hate birthdays, and surprises? That Lady J?


Well... It goes like this.

New. Pussy. Happened.

And new pussy might not have a "song" with you. It probably doesn't watch movies with you curled up into an angelic coil of love and consideration. And it certainly won't understand why you like to eat grape jelly with your scrambled eggs. (SO GOOOOOOD)

But the thing is, none of those things matter when new pussy shows up. New pussy is the perfect storm of extenuating circumstances. It's like the full house of romantic opportunities, almost impossible to beat and shamelessly lusted after. 


And that's when it happens...

*doorbell ringing sound of your choosing*

Who should be standing there in the rain, eyes shining brightly into your world, shabbily shielded from the torrential elements by her blue and white umbrella? You already knew who it was, you two were texting before the storm began to get intense. She "just so happened" to be in your neighborhood and was wondering if you could do something to help her out. She was soaking wet. 

That's when you open your door and say, "Heyyy new pussy Lady J! What possibly brings you to this neighborhood? And so late, too? Don't you know that this is when the dangerous men come out?"

To which she not-so-subtly responds, "maybe I'm looking for a dangerous man."



*Blows whistle and runs onto field to throw penalty flag*


*Proceeds to read from the book of Devin, chapter 2 verse 13*


"When you fucking over your fasho pussy trying to get some mo pussy, you'll end up with no pussy... No pussy."


*Picks up flag and walks back off field*

That's when she looks at you and says, "So... do you mind if I hang out over here for a little while?"

And what do YOU do? 

Well, that's easy. You open the door and proceed to fuck that woman like an uncaged beast. 

I know what you're thinking, you're all, "but Mr. Et Cetera, what about that passage from the book of Devin? Why would he still do that?"

Well... I'm glad you asked that. See, as much wisdom as can be found in the words of Devin (so much wisdom), they usually just glance right over those good sunday passages and skip straight to the book of Nas, specifically chapter 5 verse 7... 

Which just so happens to read as follows...

*AHEM*

"Aint no pussy like new pussy thats how a nigga feel"

Welp... there's only one thing you can say to that.

Amen.