I don't know about y'all, but every time I call y'all "dope fiends" or "dope heads" I think about the last time the word "dope" was used in pop culture. The only thing I can think of is "Class Act" starring Kid 'n' Play... "I AM Blade Brown! The dopest, hypest brotha on the block!" lol. That's completely off subject, but this is my blog (as well as Ric and Reg's) and I can do whatever the hell I want.
On topic...
I don't know about y'all but I'm a grown ass man who still has nightmares. Sometimes they're so realistic that I'd go as far as calling them night terrors. I'm serious. I'll wake up sometimes with sweat on my forehead and my heart beating fast as hell. But remember, I said I'm a grown ass man. So... I have grown ass nightmares.
Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis? (RIP Garry Coleman)
Yes, I do indeed dream about the Boogeyman, Freddy Kruger or Chuckie from time to time. But those are just dreams. They don't scare me. I'm a grown ass man, dawg! I know they ain't real. A grown ass nightmare is one that could actually happen to you in real life, though how it happens in your dream is often random and absurd. Here's what I mean... The following is a brief catalog of my grown ass nightmares:
My teeth falling out. This is number one because it is the SCARIEST one I've had, and I keep having this nightmare. What's worse is that, in my nightmares, I never see it coming. Things will be going well. I can be at work, a friends house or at the beach just relaxing (but I'm always near other people). Then all of a sudden something will feel crunchy in my mouth, and it'll be a fucking tooth! Not knowing what else to do, I usually try to put that shit back in my mouth. But then all of my teeth fall out! That is scary! I mean seriously, when you're a grown ass man or woman, what would you do if all of your teeth just fell out? Hell, what would you do if just one of your teeth fell out? One of the ones in the front.
The un-wet dream. Wet dreams suck because they're a big tease, but at least there's a happy ending. The un-wet dream is like the wet dream in every way except you don't feel anything. Mine's usually go like this... I'm kissing a girl and it's a dry kiss. Not in the way a bad kisser would be, but it just has no feeling. Then we start to have sex but again I feel nothing. In the dream we're going through all the motions, but I might as well be standing still. This is where I start to get frustrated and start to really fuck and go at it harder but I still don't feel a thing...! And then my teeth fall out. lol. No, that only happened once. And needless to say, that was a extremely bad nightmare. But the un-wet dream usually ends with me waking up with my pillow or sheets in my clutches, and I realize that I'd been dry humping my linens the whole time. No bueno. Again, this is a grown ass nightmare. Because sex can be bad, but imagine if it's so bad that you didn't feel anything.
The dream you know is a dream. This probably sounds strange but y'all know what I'm talking about. You're asleep. Nothing scary is happening. Nothing out of the ordinary. But all of a sudden someone says or does something that tips you off that you're having a dream. But here's the kicker... you can't wake up! Things continue to go normal in your dream, but you know it's a dream and you can't wake your ass up! You scream, hit yourself, you try everything. This is scary. This is what I imagine purgatory or a coma is like. Then I start to think, "Shit! Am I in purgatory? Am I in a coma? Don't pull that fucking plug!" What's worse is if you go to sleep with your tv on and your dream starts to emulate what you're hearing on tv. For me, it's usually some wack ass infomercial. So imagine, being in purgatory or a coma, and everyone around you is talking about the Boflex.
So those are a few of my grown ass nightmares - the ones that actually scare me. But go on letting me think I'm the only one who has weird night terrors...
- Have you ever dreamed that your teeth feel out? What would you do if one of your front teeth fell out now?
- What's the scariest nightmare you've had?
- Are you ever too old to have a wet dream?
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