People have been fucking up.
And these fuck ups have only grown in scope as the world has been introduced to new technologies like books, telephones, and most namely THE INTERNETS (that 's' is not there by accident).
But no matter how much, you or I (but especially you) have fucked up, no one can quite do it like celebrities. Let me explain. You see, it so happens that some of us are privileged to a tiny little thing called fame. And with fame comes great responsibility.
No. With fame comes the ability to fuck up greater than those without it. And although this is common knowledge, some people afflicted with fame have still found ways to fuck up. With your permission, I'd like to discuss three of the greatest celebrity fuck ups in our recent world history.
Disclaimer: Remember, the views expressed in this post are not necessarily those of the other contributors all though I am sure they would agree.
The first may surprise you. We call this man by many names. We call him the Pied Piper of RnB. We call him Mr. Bump and Grind but to those of us that know him, we call him Robert Kelly. Now Robert Kelly was a man from Chicago, Illinois making some of the best music of his generation. And even when he and then 16 year old Aaliyah were going together, we let it slide. But then, he fucked up.
Why Kells, why did you pee on that little girl? Were there no groupies in the vicinity? Was the toilet too far away? And why Mr. Kelly did you tape it? Admittedly, some of us have ventured in to making our own sex tapes but Mr. Kelly, why did you have to piss on her? You could have edited that part out. You could have made it into special effects so that instead of peeing on her, it would appear that you were pouring champagne from your penis. But you didn't. And all the gospel songs in the world won't save you.
And this is not the biggest fuck up of this incident, no.
Denying it was. We know it's you Mr. Kelly. Look, THIS IS YOU! Mr. Biggs ain't do this to you. You did it to yourself. You FUCKED up dog.
|Really nigga, who else could this be|
Now we live in a somewhat (take "somewhat" with the LARGEST grain of salt you can find) progressive society. As such, some comments, right or wrong, will be looked at as offensive. And Mr. Washington being the astute negro that he is knows this, right?
Wrong. And that's why at the height of his popularity on Grey's Anatomy, he said this in response to calling a co-worker a faggot. "I love gay. I wanted to be gay. Please let me be gay." As you can imagine, this didn't go over so well with the white men with money and they promptly fired his black ass.
Mr. Washington, why did you feel the need to call your fellow actor a faggot? It doesn't make any sense. You were the nigga that made it from straight-to-VHS movies with DMX all the way up to the McDreamy big time. Nigga, I can't believe you did that. Yes you, you Mr. Washington. Fucked. Up. And then they did this to you.
|All the Gay press in the world won't save you|
Now Mr. Kramer had found unbound success on the Seinfeld show as the offbeat, eccentric best friend. And as far as I've heard, he was funny, fantastic even. What I didn't know was that he also did stand up...
On that one fateful evening at the Laugh Factory while he was preforming stand-up, some African Americans in the crowd were heckling him. Why? Probably because he wasn't very funny. But no one could have predicted what happened next. Or maybe we could have.
As Paul Mooney once said (and I paraphrase greatly) you shouldn't be surprised by racism. So if Regis Philbin stabbed you with a pencil in the eye yelling NIGGA DIE!, you should have seen it coming.
Of course there are more celebrity fuck ups that we can name, some even greater. But these two black men fucked up and didn't go to jail. And the white guy is still filthy fucking rich. So in the end, they won. I won and of course you the reader, are a winner as well.
On a personal note, FUCK Nicki Minaj and her male barbies. Something tells me she will be the next one on this list.
You heard it here first.