Friday, April 26, 2013

Stay (pyramid) Schemin'

It's been a while since we last spoke hasn't it.

A lot has changed in this crazy place we called a world.

Quick recap of the important stuff:

  1. Ray J remains relevant by reminding us that he did in fact fuck Kim Kardashian first. And if the nigga is dumb enough to believe that, he's probably dumb enough to do concerts in living rooms. Oh, wait....
  2. Britney Griner shocked the world and revealed that she really is a woman who loves women.
  3. And Big K.R.I.T. released a mixtape hotter than 80% of the rap albums in the past year. #FACT.

But alas, we are back and we do have something to say. Well, at least I do this week.

And this week we are going to talk about pyramid schemes.

That's right, pyramid schemes. Now you may think, "Ricochet, you are not a financial adviser and last I checked, you were broke taking the bus everywhere."

Well "HEY... YOU MIND YOUR GOTDAMN BUSINESS!" Is what I'll say to that.

But yes, pyramid schemes.

It has come to my attention that more and more of my brethren and sisteren, in an effort to skip over the "hard work" part of getting rich, have dabbled into these newfangled get rich quick schemes. I only know this thanks to the now hundreds of invites and messages I get from "friends" and "acquaintances" concerning all the money I can make if I just sign up.

Now, my problem is not with young brothers and sisters on their grind to a million. No, that is freaking awesome. Please, by all means proceed, my kings and queens.

My problem is the people involved in the pyramid scheme don't believe it's a pyramid scheme. Let me give you a pseudo-real life example:

Let's say there is this company called BitVentures. And BitVentures is a company for one and all to join. They sell you the dream that BitVentures offers you a chance to be your own boss, make your own hours, do whatever you want to do. But first, you need to sign up and pay a a hefty intake fee to be apart of this network. Then you find out that in order to make money, you have to go find some sucker niggas like yourself, sell them the same exact dream and get them to sign up and rinse and repeat.

Confused, here's a graphic.

Pyramid Graph

It never ceases to amaze me how people want to get rich without any work at all. Sure, every once in a while you hit the lottery. And I mean literally hit the lottery for MILLIONS of dollars.

Other people have some real talent. Like real fucking talent. These people include (but definitely not limited to) athletes, dancers (and in their own category) rappers, singers, actors, etc. These people also hit the lottery in a way.

Then you have the "smart" people. The doctors, lawyers, CEO's, magicians, you know, those guys. And these guys had to develop the skills necessary, make the right connections and again, get very lucky to be in the right place at the right time to really make it big.

Or, of course, you could be born rich. And again, all luck.

But no. For some reason people seem to see beyond all these things and just see the product. And so nowadays, people don't wait to become CEO's. They just go to Vista Print and make business cards that say they are CEO's.

Now I know we all have to start somewhere, this is the truth. But my man, how you a CEO of anything and your mom is claiming you as a dependent.

Or you have the niggas who's hoops dreams have become so deflated they've decided to pick up a microphone with dreams of making NBA money through rap music. Not realizing that not even the really, really, REALLY good rappers don't even get on. And 2 Chainz... Well, you get what I'm saying.

And lastly, you have the people who try pyramid schemes. And these are all different types of people. They span all types of education, ages, races and creeds. Because the desire to possess money is realer than the pursuit of a passion for these folks.

And these folks are suckered by folks much smarter than them.

And rinse... Annnnnnnd repeat.

Whether you are trying to sell me vacation package nonsense or some form of internet currency that isn't really real, I'll pass. I learned a long time ago that when you chase money, it will always allude you. Mostly because it isn't actually real.

Now don't get me wrong, I make money. I spend money. I know how important money is. But if half the black men that wanted to be rappers had put that same dedication to bettering their communities...
Or if half the instagram models used their time to empower themselves instead of taking pictures seeking validation from people they will never meet... Well, you get what I'm saying.

But this ain't a soap box speech. This is just about pyramid schemin' mo fos who feel some type of way because I don't want to be involved in their pyramid schemes. How could I, a college educated black man, get down with your "company" when I type your company into Google and the first thing that pops up is "PYRAMID SCHEME"?

Let's say you go to a bar and you meet this girl. Her name is Tiffany. And Tiffany is hot. I mean, smoking hot. You would drink this girl's bath water hot. And you and Tiffany hit it off, but she's really gotta run tonight, her friend is drunk and she has to get her home. But your boy tells you, hey, I think that girl looks familiar. I've seen her before.

So you go home, Google this girl and the first thing that pops up is an HIV Outbreak Chart. And she is at the top of the HIV pyramid.

Are you still going to talk to this girl? Wouldn't you at least be very cautious and ask some serious questions?

Or would you ignore all the signs in front of your face and fuck her raw?

I guess the moral of the story is if you are trying to sell people pyramid schemes, you have HIV.

Wait... that's not the moral.

Anyway... you get what I'm saying right?

So, listen... Lemme tell you about this sweet business opportunity I ran across. I thought of you immediately. You know how everybody drinks coffee right? Oh... You don't drink coffee? Whatever, doesn't matter, we're gonna be RICH!

One thing though...

I just need you to find a few more people willing to invest...