The Traveling Traveler Vol. 1: Post #8: London

As I sat in Heathrow Airport...

and stared at the airport monitor and awaited my 10.5 hour flight back to Los Angeles, I watched my flight get delayed 12 minutes at a time and I couldn't help but wonder how I ended up here.

11:57...

12:33...

13:09...

Quite honestly, I was in no rush to get back to LA. I had bootleg BEATS headphones that I acquired in Istanbul that were sure to break at any moment. My backpack straps were on their last legs and I would have to go work the day after I landed. But all in all this trip had been a whirlwind adventure most of which I could remember.

However, this is not why I wanted to get on the plane.

I needed to get on this plane because I was drunk. Belligerently.

The details of last night were really a blur. Seriously.

It was only supposed to be a 20 hour layover in London. But then the hostile had a fully stocked bar. And after I gave up on seeing the sights at night, getting drunk seemed the next best thing. The greatest thing in fact.

The time was 20:45: Enter the Aussie.

Me and the Aussie (or the Aussie and I) met at the opposite ends of our world tours. He was just beginning as I was here to conclude. So we began to share the tales of wonder and merriment of our times traveling.

We agreed that Spain was home to some of the most beautiful women this world will ever be blessed with.

We agreed that Paris is for fags. And not cigarettes.

We also agreed that it doesn't matter if you're black or white, it's all about the love you have for the world in the things that live in it. *MESSAGE*

What I did not know was that sharing travel stories must be accompanied by drinking. Heavily. I complied.

The time was now 21:30. The Aussie and I had split about 3 rounds at this point. And then karaoke started.

A free drink was offered to anyone brave enough to participate.

Enter I.

I already being drunk decided to perform (flawlessly might I add) an ode to my current city of Los Angeles in the form of Snoop Doggy Lion's classic hit "What's My Name" to the pleasure of a cheering crowd.

And then we drank some more. 2 Shots from the DJ for my Aussie friend and I. A round of Pilsner's for my Aussie friend and I from the bartender.

The time was now 23:07. I was then presented with scotch neat from the random old white guy who was singing Etta James. This is where things get hazy. Blackout.

The time was now 23:59. My Aussie friend an I were presented 4 Rounds of shots from the random white girls from Texas who were very impressed with my comprehension of "Superman-ing that hoe".

And of course another round from my Aussie friend who by the way was just as drunk as me. Blackout.

The time now was 0:57. So I went out side to smoke a fag wit some blokes I met inside and things began to get hazier.

And then I blacked out.

The time was now 1:17. I found myself back in my 4 person room preparing my electronic devices for departure and then much to my dismay I blacked out again...I think in the middle of a conversation with someone in my room.

The time was now 9:01. I wake up to find a naked Asian girl in my room that was not there the night before. Pretty hot too.

Or was she. Fuck. I really can't remember. I just know I had to get to the airport on the tube.

Exit I. And I left the lock I just brought at the hostile for my trunk and instructed the hosts to give it to someone for free. Share the luck. Get it.

Blackout yet again.

The time was 11:57. And now I sit in Heathrow Airport a little more drunk then I was when I began writing this because of the free alcohol samples I have just consumed by walking around the terminal looking for a shoe shiner. Dumb decision. Blackout.

The time is now 13:21. And we are about to board this plane now. Its so long to Europe and one crazy ass night in London. I will miss you for now.

And hopefully I'll be able to fill in the blanks of last night after time traveling (read: stupid drunk) across the United States of these Americas.

Seriously.

I got my picture with the guard though.

Cheers.

Comin' STRAIGHT OUTTA LOCASH!

Ever since I decided to move to Los Angeles, California,

I've been hit with the most repetitive questions since the "what are you going to do with your life?" series my senior year of college.

 "Do you have a place to live?" "Are you going to like the weather out there?" "Is weed really as legal as they it is?" And my answer to all is: only slightly...only slightly.

But I digress as usual, the point is, I am well aware that California is different than the Emipire State but is it really as different as people say it is? I'm not quite sure so if you please, I will delve into this HOT topic, only slightly, to better communicate similarities and differences between the East and West through my eyes.

If I lost some of you with the complex sentence, here it is in Laymans terms: I'ma break down the real East and West Coast...YAY-E-YEA-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!(S/O 2 Ice Cube)

BIGGEST Similarities:

METROPOLIS:
Maybe some of you forgot this but Los Angeles is actually a huge city like NY. Just because it's sunny all the time doesn't mean people are always at the beach. A city is a city is a city. And once you get passed all the lights, camera and the flaming homosexual action in West Hollywood (which is pretty much the Village with a 'Walk of Fame') you see that if you can live in NY, you can run any town.

POLICE
I haven't had a run in with the LAPD yet but I look forward to it. Firstly, because I don't do anything wrong that's considered wrong in California. Secondly, I want to see who is tougher. The NYPD and LAPD are the two most nigga hating, nigga aressting, nigga beating' cop forces on Earth. The Kenyan Police Department don't beat as many niggas as these two do. The point is, cops hate all niggas in big cities, and I doubt this will be much different.

The Gays (yes, I said the Gays, with a capital G)
There are only 2 places on Earth that Gay people are uncomfortable; in the south and in Church. Likewise, there are two places where Gay people can frolic (because Gay people frolic) and be free. These two places are LA and NY. I don't mind the Gays and their little Gay boots walking their little Gay dogs, they have a right to do every little gay thing they want. LA and NY just give them a larger license to do so because there are so many other weirdos that live in these places. One thing is for sure though, Gay people run these towns...or at least their little gay sections of it.

DIFFERENCES

PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION
Not every city is created equal and neither are their transportation systems. Advantage to NY on this one. Although LA public transpo is cheaper and greener (all the busses are hybrids or making there way to be hybrids) NY runs all the time and from every location. Busses and subways are not the way to travel in LA unless you must (like I must seeing as I don't have a car). Either way, this is a huge downfall for LA.

Your Local Hispanics
NY is home to more Puerto Ricans than Puerto Rico. NY also includes a bunch of everybody else like Dominicans, Peruvians, Mexicans and everything else south of the border. Looking for Puerto Ricans in LA is like looking for rain in LA...everyone talks about it, but the majority of the people miss it, all the time. In fact, outside of whites and blacks, LA only has Mexicans and Asians. I know Asians aren't Hispanics but they own everything in LA like the Domincans do in NY.

The Weather
Ok, so I know this is obvious so I'll keep it short. But what is a NY nigga used to Timbs and snorkels come November going to do when it's 76 degrees outside on Christmas?

So how is a NY nigga gonna survive in LA you ask yourself, because we are built differently. Plus, I work 2 blocks away from the beach. I think I'll manage.