Monday, July 30, 2012

Plight of the Nice Guy

We've heard it all before.

"Nice guys finish last and alone and sad and pass these traits along to their offspring."

You may have heard it differently but you get the point Nice guys usually get the raw end of the deal. But today, just for you nice guys out there, I've enlisted the help of my good friend @FollowBMarie (which you should totally do after you finishing reading this), rather, she enlisted me to spread the WORD of the nice guy.

So if you fancy yourself a nice guy or if you know someone who does, this can and will be good for you, or their simpin' asses. 

Theory of the Nice Guy (as told by @FollowBMarie)

Reason 1-Maybe it's not because you're nice. Could it be that you have some other character flaws? Maybe you're not funny. Girls love funny men. Maybe it's because you're not fun? Although staying home & cooking every night is nice, it does get old quick. Just like men need spice in their life women like spice in their relationships. The man who continuously blames his lack of lady luck on being nice is not very different from the gal who chants "niggas ain't shit" Be reflective. It's possible something else is at work here.

This reason is great. Nice is bland. Bland is boring.

Reason 2-Nice guy by day, scumbag by night? You, sir, have more in common with the bad boy than you would like to admit. You believe that you are a nice guy. And hey, there are some nice aspects. But let's face it, most people would not associate you with nice. But this doesn't make you a bad person, maybe not even a bad boy. Just a Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde type.

Also superb reasoning. Nothing is worse than a fair-weather personality. 

Reason 3-You're too nice. Ok. This is the cliche one. But it's sort of true. GIRLS WANT TO FEEL SPECIAL! But sometimes it gets confusing. If you're taking every Jane, Jen & Mary out and making them all feel like a queen for the day. Guess what, it looks like game. Furthermore no one feels special. We want to be the only one you go above and beyond for, but if you go above and beyond for everyone, I'm sorry to say this, but you may end up behind. Now I'm not saying start slamming doors and only open it for your lady. But if you go above & beyond for everyone, well go to infinity and beyond for your main squeeze.

The whole "everybody wins" argument retooled. If everyone is special, then no one is special. But the Toy Story reference is priceless.

Reason 4-Define nice. Sir, you aren't it. Not even close. I mean yes, on paper you're the shit. But how can I put this? You're an ass. You're rude. You're full of yourself. And let me guess what you want to talk about--yourself, right? Be as aggressive as you want in the conference room, boardroom, classroom, or courtroom, but if you want a lady you better soften those edges.

For me, this is the crux of the reasoning. What does nice actually mean? I'll get to this later.

Reason 5-It's not about the battle, it's the war. So you opened every door, paid for every dinner, took her on vacation, went down to her father's to ask for her hand in marriage, only to be left at the altar. I get it. It hurts, but if you were the best man that you could be, then listen. She either was not the one or doesn't deserve you. There is some nice girl out there who will cater to you just as much as you spoil her. Realize that in the first lap you may be losing, maybe even in the second & third. But it ain't over til it's over. So stay true to your nice guy ways you might just cross that finish line first, nice guy.

I'm going to let this reason slide because I love @FollowBMarie and I understand as a female, it is in her nature to give hope. You nice guys should appreciate this.

Now, my source of contention can be outlined in Reason #4. What is a nice guy? It is my belief that woman don't want a nice guy, and here's why.

Do you ever remember being told "play nice"? Of course you do. Do you remember what it meant? Probably not. Playing nice didn't mean "treat all competitors with respect, don't cheat and be a good sport". Play nice meant don't do anything that is going to mess up this game. Don't hurt people's feelings. Don't say mean things. Make sure everyone is having fun.

While it may be easy to take this "nice" attitude into arenas in which the rules and guidelines dictate our behavior we must take into account that we are talking about relationships. And there are no rules in love. Nice is vanilla. Nice is what you do when you don't know someone, a default setting. And so the nice guy who you would love on your company kickball team may not make the best choice for a mate. 

Unless what you want is a push-over because the last guy walked over you and you would like to taste that feeling for a little while, which is cool. Every girl deserves one simping ass nigga in her life to step on. 

Except ugly girls, they just deserve to breathe and hold onto the off chance of pro-creation.

I feel what women are looking for is a good man and the inability to articulate this is the reason why the good man can't be found. The good man knows all about respect and honesty. But he also knows about winning and putting personal feelings aside to accomplish the larger goal. He doesn't worry about rocking the boat because he learned how to steer in troubled waters long ago. Even Jesus got angry.

Nice guy's don't finish last because they are trying to win. Nice guys finish last because winning was never the goal. The goal was to make sure the race was run fairly, that everybody had a shot, that the rules were followed. And while undoubtedly admiral, being selfless and concerned with the wellness of others will ensure that others will always finish the race before you.

And thanks to that guy, I get the girl. Every time. Half the time.

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