Friday, November 18, 2011

Well... It Did Start Off Like A Regular Blog Post

This morning, as I held the door for the person leaving McDonald's behind me (Why? Because I'm not a douchebag is why. Seriously, don't be a dick, hold the door for the person behind you... It makes the world a better place), I noticed how ashy my hands were. Well, not really my whole hand, just the web of skin between my thumb and forefinger and the one between my ring and pinky finger. And it made me think of THIS SONG because this is the DEFINITION of "not pimpin". And I know what you're probably saying...

So what? You're saying you didn't know you were walking around looking like the second coming of Ashy Larry? Yea, right! I bet your ashy ass looks like that all of the days.

Well, to that I say three things. First, what the hell is "All of the days?" Who talks like that?

Second, since when did my italic interrogator become such an a-hole? Jeez... That was borderline mean. And cmon son! Ashy Larry? I was not that bad... not completely anyway.

And third, I did NOT know that! Thus the whole writing about it now in dismay thing. It was shocking. Ok, maybe shocking is a little bit of overstatement, but it was definitely a little eyebrow-raising... I'm talking half-raised eyebrows here, at the least. I mean I put lotion on those two areas in copious amounts specifically to avoid such an ashy blunder, and yet... This still happens to me ALL the time. What. The. Fuck. 

And it's not like I missed my hands. They're practically the only thing I put lotion ON. It goes something like *squirt squirt* lotion hands up to elbows then face, and then I'm done. And to any ladies that might happen across this post, the answer is yes. That is fucking it. I have no idea how (or why)you guys use more lotion than that. And yet here I am walking into work with ashy ass knuckles.

I don't know what all this surprise is about, I'm not really a person you know. You write everything I say.

See that's what I'm talking about there you go again flapping your smart ass mouth.

Whatever man, all I know is you just spent an entire post talking about your stupid ashy ring fingers... This blog is ridiculous.

You're ridiculous!


Says the man having an argument with the imaginary friend he made up a few paragraphs ago?

Wait, did you just sigh? You do not sigh. I sigh... Me. And there will be no sighing from you... Got that? And we are not friends. 

Fine by me. 

*Judgmental exhale* 


I hate you.

1 comment:

  1. Lmao...ash free is the way to be! And you mean to say you don't lotion your legs? They must look an ashy mess then in that case, I shudder to even think.