I am not a shopper.
I say that because although I've engaged in shop-ping on
many, many occasions... I have never done it in a smart way. And when I say never, I mean for it to have an "ever" right after it. I have very limited use for sales
or limited time offers, seeing as I hardly ever utilize them. My shopping methods are so much more than
unsophisticated, in fact, they're practically prehistoric.
This is something like what a trip to the mall feels like
for me:
*Starts to walk in the store cautiously*
"Hi, Mr. Et Cetera! Thank you for visiting our store today.
Looking for anything in particular?"
"Uhhh... Me like... sweaters?"
And that's when it happens, the sales reps somehow sense that I'm a lonely confused shopper (I have no idea how), and swoop in for the kill. Before I know it, I'm walking around with an embarrassing pile of argyle socks, basketball shorts, and neckties... Which is crazy, because I swear I was at Best Buy.
That's why I like to go to the store with a specific item in
mind. That my friends, is when the joy comes in. That is how I have successful shopping adventures. My last
one went something like this...
What do I need? An extension cord? Awesome. I know what I
want, and I know where to get it. As I fly down the aisles - I imagine the
soundtrack to the "Sound of Music" playing while I do Allen Iverson
crossovers on sales reps, shooting majestic middle fingers at them as I glide
by in slow motion whispering a most triumphant, "Fuuuuuuuuuck youuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!"
Glorious.
Before I know it, I'm swiping my debit card, heading home,
opening my front door, plugging in my new extension cord, and turning on my
TV...
And turning on my TV...
Turning on my...
GOT DAMNIT!!!
ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!!!
*Deep depressing sigh of inner sadness*
I forgot to get batteries.
Fucking Best Buy.
Fucking Best Buy.
No comments:
Post a Comment