She Don't Drink tho

I think I have a crush. And while you read this, maybe you think so too.

Rather, I know I have a crush. I know this because Troo told me I did as he made fun of me. Yes, he laughed in my face and I couldn't do anything but come up with the most clever comeback...

uh-uhhhh.

Not my highest moment, but it was a high moment...but alas, I do in fact have a crush.

And a real crush too. It's so real, she doesn't even know I'm crushing on her and if I can have my way, she'll never know. That's right dopes and dopettes, I'm taking it back to high school on ya'll asses.

So I met this wonderful girl (of course, who will rename nameless for OBVIOUS reasons) about a month ago while I was hanging out with Troo somewhere in some place. I wasn't expecting much from the night, just to chill and then...there she was....the girl of my dreams.

Well, my day dreams...actually, I never dreamt of this woman before in my life. But, when I saw her, I wish I did. And I wish it would have been one of those dreams where I'm lucid enough to control the dream. Then I could do whatever I want. Like be with her beautiful caramel complected, dark and lovely, freshly relaxed hair, honey lips...damn, I'm day dreaming again.

Either way, we were all drinking and laughing and chilling until I realized something.

Shorty didn't drink.

Now this wouldn't be a big deal to most, but to me, the fact that she didn't partake in the Jesus Juice said something about her.

It says:

She likes to keep her body clean, and not destroyed by what people call a good time.

She probably drives and takes drunk driving very seriously, maybe she lost a friend.

She works out and we all know that alcohol ain't good for you.

But whatever the reason, I came to the realization that we can never be together, in real life at least.

You see, I have not been able to find the need to be with a woman who drinks. Maybe I assume that if you don't drink, you don't want someone who does. Plus, no one wants to feel like the town drunk when you're the only one at the table drinking.

I know Mr. EtCetera would probably drink at a table alone. In fact, he would drink at the table alone, in the living room alone and on that one occasion he'll drink alone in the bathroom.

I've actually seen this.

I'd like to think Mr. EtCetera looks up to this man.

But NOT me. And so, we could never be.

Am I wrong in my thought process?

HELL YEAH I'm wrong in my thought process. I knew I was wrong when I began thinking these things. But I'm OK with that and hopefully you are too.

If I ever do see this lady again, I'm going to go into full teenage Tevin Campbell at Ashley birthday party and sing a song to her.

But before that, I'm going to learn how to sing. Or pick a song that I can sing very well...like the talking part on a Boyz II Men track....throw in some smooth Jodeci ad libs and BAM...she's mine.

And if this plan doesn't work, well...it wouldn't be the first time I've been rejected...and it damn sure won't be the last.

But I think I'll crush from afar, because it's fun having those butterflies in your stomach, sweat in your palm and pubescent hormonal rages, ain't it.

Nope, I'ma say something.

But probably not.