So this morning, on my way to the gym, I heard a rumor. It was about Carmelo Anthony and how he was ready to leave my beloved New York Knicks. What? Well, like I said, it was a rumor... Which destroyed me. All destruction aside though, it did get me to thinking. You see, in this rumor, it seems Carmelo Anthony is not particularly a big fan of his coach (he also might not particularly like the way that right after he got off the injured reserve list, the Knicks were in STRUGGLE MODE and how that just might have been all his fault). Anyway, that got me to thinking about my job (yours too), and how many of his suffer under incompetent bosses/leaders/managers/directors/supervisors. Now in professional sports, when someone is in charge of talent and they don't properly take advantage of it, they are swiflty escorted to the unemployment line. As far as my worldly travels have taken me, I have yet to see things operate that way in any of my lines of employment. Work ecosystems are incredibly fragile. So, you better hope your boss is not fucking up, because if they are... YOU. ARE. FIRED. Yep, totally fired... and for a few reasons really, none of them better than the other. All of which will have your ass cruising Linkedin.com.
Let's run through a few of them. The Underwear Fire - I know it's got a funny name, but trust me, it's one of the most egregious. This one happens when you get fired so that someone else can cover their ass. The Ahhyaw Fire - isn't as popular as the underwear fire but living in the here and now u do run into these from time to time. This one happens when your company loses it's contract, goes bankrupt, or just straight goes outta business, and when then that happens ahhhhyaw getting fired. The Vacation Fire - is kinda funny until it happens to you. This one happens when you get fired on your day off. I don't know how it happened, but when it does - you'll very shortly find yourself hanging out with your childhood friend Smoky cuz it's Friday.. and you aint got shit else to do. Ok, there's a dude sitting next to me... Gotta be about 26-27 years old... And he is straight up sucking his thumb! And rubbing his ear.. I'm trying not to stare but this is just fucking strange... I mean, this is a grown ass man in baby mode over here. I feel like I'm getting pranked, this can't be real life... And why is he looking at me? Anyways.. What was I saying? Oh yea... The "But I Thought You Liked Me" Fire - yup. In the workplace, you better make good and damn sure somebody likes you before you start flirting. Cuz all it takes is one unwanted lingering shoulder rub or titty graze (the thing you ladies do where you pretend like we don't know you're rubbing your tits all over somebody's arm when you're showing them something - yall aint slick) and your ass will be on the streets faster than Aladdin and Abu.
R.I.P. Bob's Career
Also, stop walking around the office with your got damn shoes off. I don't know if that's a fireable offense but it should be. Aint NOBODY trying to see those corn muffin toes of yours. Ok, I'm done ranting for now. I wish y'all success in all your professional endeavors. Thanks for reading the dopest blog... -Excelsior!