I want everyone reading this blog to feel comfortable and included, which is why I'm gonna talk to you today about Jesus... Na. I'm just joking. But what I am gonna talk about may possibly make some of you feel uncomfortable. So consider this your disclaimer...
"Troo, what is this topic of which you speak?"
I'm glad you asked. The topic of the day revolves around death... Still there? Good.
The worse part about being away from home is that you leave people behind. You don't necessarily forget them, but you go on to start your own life and acquire your own problems. As well, the people back home continue to live out their natural lives; which unfortunately means that a few of them will die. Actually, they all will. And so will all of us. Death is a natural part of life, and completely inevitable... You still there? Good. Uncomfortable yet? Sorry.
Last week, someone whom I knew in my youth had their young life taken from them by a stray bullet. And it was only last month that a dear family member lost their battle with cancer. Both occurrences were very sad. As well, they both made me very angry. But naturally, I couldn't help but to turn the situation onto myself... I began to think about my own mortality.
"Don't think like that, Troo. You ain't gonna die."
Shut your dumb ass up. Yes, I am. Those days of thinking that I'm invincible/untouchable/immortal are over! Hell, anytime I take a painful dump, I pray that this isn't the end. "Not like this. Not like this." (Who peeped that Matrix reference? lol) Which brings me to my next point...
The thing that sucks most about death is that you don't know when, where or how it will occur. (Although, would you really want to know?) I've come to terms with the fact that one day we all have to go. But what I can't stand, and refuse to accept, is that the dumbest of things can take me out. For instance, I was drinking some water the other day and it went down the wrong pipe. (Scary!) I nearly drowned in dry clothes. What the fuck? How would that have looked? My ass laid out in the living room dead from a bottle of Poland Springs. (Have you seen that show "10,000 ways to die"? It can happen!)
Even more stressful than thinking about how you can die, is when and where. If I must go, I pray its not in a public restroom stall. One, that's embarrassing. And two, no one would realize I'm dead. They'd just think that I'm going to the bathroom. That's probably my biggest fear - dying and people not knowing/not knowing what happened to me.
So I've mentioned how I don't wanna go. You're probably wondering how I would like to go...
Most guys would say, "I wanna die during sex." Ill! That's disgusting. Ladies, you don't have to worry about me wanting to die during. No, ma'am... I wanna die right after. It's stupid to die during. I wanna finish up. One last shot before I go. Ideally, it would be with my wife. I'd drift off to sleep, and go with a smile on my face. I originally thought about dying while spooning after sex, but I fear that it would be traumatizing for my wife to have a corpse holding onto her when she woke up in the morning...
You still there? Well, you don't have to be. I'm done. But feel free to answer at least one of these questions:
- Have you seen "10,000 ways to die"? If so, what's the worse you've seen?
- Is there a such thing as a "cool" way to die?
RIP S.M., S.D.
Hell yea there are cool ways to die. Like saving humanity from an unstoppable robot army by blindly flying into the heart of a mechanical city and exploding (i think he exploded), spontaneous combustion, turning into a vampire, get killed while shooting a gun wildly into the air (in slow motion of course), saying Candyman in the mirror 3 times...
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