Thursday, October 13, 2011

Yard Sales and Our FAILS...

I did not grow up in New York City. But, does that make me better than those of you who did? Yes, of course it does. It also means I've seen things a few of you haven't.For instance, have any of you ever been to a yard sale where you could buy a young pig AND a Sega Dreamcast? 


Trust me, it's a beautiful thing.

How does that saying go? "One man's trash is another man's treasure." Well, yard sales are kind of like that. Only, it would probably more like it if the saying went, "One man's trash is another man's thing he'll gladly buy if it's less than 5 bucks."

Now that's just yard SALES, there is actually something else out there even better than a yard sales. That thing, is what I like to call the "yall better grab this shit now because I'm getting rid of it" yard GIVEAWAYS. And what kind of things do you find here? Well, it can be any kind of thing. But more than likely it's things like:

Wheels and tires (who could have known spinning rims would go out of style)

Furniture (what's wrong with it? Who knows! Why should you pick it up? Possibly because you have some kind of secret bedbug fetish. Or maybe you've really been trying to upgrade your living room space. What better way to do that then introducing your place to an exciting new mystery smell!)

Puppies/Kittens (Yes, you can get a young dog or cat for free. Or, you can spend an exorbitant amount of money on a "pure bred" animal that will never be in any kind of dog/cat show - but will still habitually disrespect you and your property while you provide it with free food and shelter.)

This is just a side note, it's about to be a cold world for some of these dudes trying to grow long hair now that it's back in style. Especially when they find out it aint that easy. I mean it's plenty long-haired ladies out here that haven't quite figured this one out. Like this lady walking next to me with the, what I can only assume is, bangs glued directly unto her forehead. Definitely bout to see these "long hair don't hair" guys flipping through cosmo at your local beauty shop.

Welp... To each his own I say.

And then there's another thing thing you sometimes see left out for the scavenging masses. Books... Yea books.

*sad long exhaling sigh*

No one cares about them. A few good friends and I were out one fine autumn's eve and we happened upon a few books. Not just a few though but multiple bookcases worth of them. Standing demurely in some kind of sexy brothel line up across someone's front yard. Mind you, the time is just a little ways north or south of 8 o clock in the Post Meridian. These books have been outside ALL DAY. And nobody cared to give them a home. ALL DAY.

Why? Because people do not value knowledge. I mean, it wasn't always that way. Most of us grew up wanting to excel. Good grades? They were worthy of celebration. Spelling Bee champion? Salute! And what did we question? Everything.

So what happened?

Puberty happened. And with it also came our early tinkerings in social interaction, taboos, and mores. Our entire understanding of the world was  then turned on it's head. What do we want to do now? Fit in.  What do we celebrate? Beauty. What do we decry? Math. What do we question? Nothing.


We grew up in a world where most people were forged along the path of least resistance, and so we too began to yield at the unflinching hammer of mediocrity. Even if you didn't like it, you looked like you did and you certainly didn't do anything about it. 


Well, that's what you get, and it's more than certainly what you deserve.

Once upon a time Mike Tyson once said (yes, I'm quoting Mike Tyson, chill - I'm trying to create a sweeping motivational finale to finish this post with... Anyway... back to what I was saying.)





This Guy.



Mike Tyson once said, "Most revolutions are started by someone who read a book on revolution." Come on yall, if Mike can understand that knowledge is power, I'm more than inclined to believe the rest of us can too. 

So pick up a book you guys.

Then, read it.








P.S. If by some mythical chance Mike Tyson does read this blog I want to say that I'm a huge fan and that I meant no offense to you man. It's basically common knowledge that you're not that smart, walk it off you big baby.

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